40 Days of Bannination

I'm giving up shopping for clothes for Lent. And "clothes" also includes shoes and accessories. It is quite possible that I will be barefoot and naked by Easter.

I don't want to hear another word about how this is petty... about how the rue meaning of Lent isn't about clothes. Bitch, please. Battling the devil in the desert for 40 days? Kid stuff. It is much harder to keep myself out of the mall for 40 days, ESPECIALLY with all the new cute spring stuff. I don't even know what I am going to do with myself on the weekends. I might have to read a book or something to keep myself amused. Maybe even a law school book.

But I should be pretty farking rich by Easter.

Day 1: I wanted to buy another J. Crew cashmere cardigan during class.
Amount saved: $59.95 + $10 shipping

Type LV-

LV
Originally uploaded by lilmisstramp.

I wanted that purse. Real bad. But I'm afraid to say that Louis Vuitton has lost it...big time. I survived the Murakami cherry blossom shit, I survived the stupid multicolor monogram stuff but I'm afraid that I will not survive LV's latest weirdness.

From a distance, this purse looks like a normal LV monogram...classic...tasteful...expensive. However, venture a little closer and open it up.

For some reason, the brain surgeons over at LV decided that it would be super cool if they lined the purse in some red felt shit that makes the purse looks like you opened a vein in it while searching for your keys.

All of the new monograms have it! In fact, while buying my new LV over the holidays, I had to get the last of the regular ones. This makes me mad. Really mad. Mad enough to jump the LV ship and switch exclusively to Prada or Dior? Ehh...not yet. But LV is creeping closer to bannination.

Even though it looks like shit, I'm sure Dooney & Bourke will be copying it shortly.

A Very Special Christmas

Dear Saks Fifth Avenue,

In the true spirit of Christmas, you had a great sale yesterday online which allowed me to stealthily shop while everyone was watching Christmas movies.

$165 for a pair of Choos makes baby Jesus smile.

Love,
lilmisstramp

Unhemmed pants can kill, people.

So when I got to work today, looked in the mirror and was utterly unimpressed with my outfit. The black pants which had been my staple black pants for so long, now were too baggy and I looked like crap. So I did the only thing I knew to do... I went to Banana Republic and bought a new pair of pants.

Now Banana's pants have like a 36 inch inseam or some shit and I always, always, always need them hemmed. In fact, only gigantresses like Coastel don't need them hemmed. But this was an EMERGENCY and I had pretty high heels on so I thought it would be OK if the pants lightly grazed the ground for one day only.

And you know what, they were ok, for most of the day. However, when I got home and I was walking out to my car, somehow the high heel of my shoe got caught up in the extra length.

BOOM!

I ate shit like a champ because I couldn't get the heel unstuck. Luckily (not really) the door frame to the garage was right in front of me, so I crashed right into it.

Now I have a sexy red welt on my head, a bruised knee and a cut arm. Thanks Banana and your fucking huge inseams.

A Public Letter

Dear Biznatch Who Used My Credit Card To Buy Shiznit On Some Craptastic Online Auction Site:

Thank you for allowing me to spend $540.11 on you, as you are surely a dear friend of mine. You could have at least helped me out a bit by using my magically-obtained-by-you-credit card number on Black Friday rather than Thanksgiving day, and saved me a little money.

I hope you enjoy your case of 100 blow up dolls or whatever it was you decided to buy. If you try this crap again, I will be forced to send all of my lawyerly legal friends out to get you -- we all took Creditor's and Debtor's Rights, biyatch, and GOT VERY GOOD GRADES in it, so WATCH IT.

Much Love and Happy Holidays,
Bee

Edible Undies

So I'm walking back from the bank and the Metro Center H&M today when I spy a black marquee on G Street. I'm kinda far away and the sun is kinda in my eyes, but I can make out the word "FONDUE".

Score, a fondue place downtown! So I skulked down G Street to check it out...

Yeah, its not a fondue place but some frenchie lingerie place called Corp de Foundre or something like that. Seems high end, Cosabella thongs lining the window.

I will check it out some more next week.

The Macy's Big Sale of Suck

macyscrap
Originally uploaded by lilmisstramp.

When I was growing up in the ghetto of Houston, Texas, every once in a while my mother would take us shopping at Macy's.

And oh, it was a big deal when we went to Macy's.

I remember, as a child, walking into Macy's and just being in awe of all the merchandise...the glittering chandelier...the well dressed women bustling about with their purchases...

Ah, to be able to look at Macy's with the eyes of a child again.

Frankly, now Macy's sucks. I wouldn't have even gone there tonight if they hadn't sent me a coupon announcing (cue loud booming voice) MACY'S BIG NOVEMBER SAAAAAAAAAAALE!

Well, so much for the BIG SAAAAAAAAAAALE because it didn't even look like one thing was on sale when I went there tonight. Plus, everything looked crappy. No big designers, if fact, the most couture thing they have there is H by Hilfiger and um, that's not very couture at all.

So I've hit Nordstroms and Macy's and they were all busts...

Next up, the Saks and Neimans sales or "or shopping for designer crap in the company of the bitchiest, snootiest sales girls on earth".