A Public Letter

Dear Biznatch Who Used My Credit Card To Buy Shiznit On Some Craptastic Online Auction Site:

Thank you for allowing me to spend $540.11 on you, as you are surely a dear friend of mine. You could have at least helped me out a bit by using my magically-obtained-by-you-credit card number on Black Friday rather than Thanksgiving day, and saved me a little money.

I hope you enjoy your case of 100 blow up dolls or whatever it was you decided to buy. If you try this crap again, I will be forced to send all of my lawyerly legal friends out to get you -- we all took Creditor's and Debtor's Rights, biyatch, and GOT VERY GOOD GRADES in it, so WATCH IT.

Much Love and Happy Holidays,


Edible Undies

So I'm walking back from the bank and the Metro Center H&M today when I spy a black marquee on G Street. I'm kinda far away and the sun is kinda in my eyes, but I can make out the word "FONDUE".

Score, a fondue place downtown! So I skulked down G Street to check it out...

Yeah, its not a fondue place but some frenchie lingerie place called Corp de Foundre or something like that. Seems high end, Cosabella thongs lining the window.

I will check it out some more next week.


The Macy's Big Sale of Suck

Originally uploaded by lilmisstramp.
When I was growing up in the ghetto of Houston, Texas, every once in a while my mother would take us shopping at Macy's.

And oh, it was a big deal when we went to Macy's.

I remember, as a child, walking into Macy's and just being in awe of all the merchandise...the glittering chandelier...the well dressed women bustling about with their purchases...

Ah, to be able to look at Macy's with the eyes of a child again.

Frankly, now Macy's sucks. I wouldn't have even gone there tonight if they hadn't sent me a coupon announcing (cue loud booming voice) MACY'S BIG NOVEMBER SAAAAAAAAAAALE!

Well, so much for the BIG SAAAAAAAAAAALE because it didn't even look like one thing was on sale when I went there tonight. Plus, everything looked crappy. No big designers, if fact, the most couture thing they have there is H by Hilfiger and um, that's not very couture at all.

So I've hit Nordstroms and Macy's and they were all busts...

Next up, the Saks and Neimans sales or "or shopping for designer crap in the company of the bitchiest, snootiest sales girls on earth".


An afternoon with the Stepford Wives

Originally uploaded by lilmisstramp.
So I had to go to our Reston office today and if you look on a map, you can see that there is a major landmark in between Reston and DC... The Galleria at Tysons Corner. And since today was the first day of the Nordstrom's Half Yearly Sale, I totally had to stop by. And yes, I did plan my appointment in Reston around doing this.

Shopping in Tysons Corner around 2pm on a weekday is a bout of fun not to be missed. The only people walking the mall at this time of day are the oh-so-bored-and-oh-so-perfect-oh-what-ever-shall-i-do-with-all-of-this-money wives of the Washington, DC power elite. With their valium glazed faces, perfectly coifed haircuts and designer bags, these women are like Laura Bush but with better handbags.

Its funny to watch them pull up to the mall in their Jags and BMWs and then beat each other up over the 40% off rack at Nordstroms.

Anyhooo...I was pissed off at the election and in the mood for some major retail therapy. I have high hopes every year for the Nordstrom's Half Yearly Sale but watch them die every year in the face of reality. Kinda like my hopes for the Democratic Party. This year was no different on both accounts.

I needed a new bathing suit. I'm going away this weekend and a bathing suit is required attire for this little vacation. Its not easy to buy a bathing suit. I'm not a skinny girl yet I still insist on getting a two piece even though I am sure everyone on the beach is blinded by my huge white stomach.

But whatever, I grabbed a couple to try on.

First one...SCARY.
Second one... SCARY
Third one...SCARY

By this point I am thinking that I shouldn't have helped myself to that Pumpkin Pie Blizzard before coming to Nordstroms. But I'm so upset about the election that I've just been eating my emotions lately...

Whatever, I bought the first one.

I know, great fucking story.

We are fucked.

Originally uploaded by lilmisstramp.
Now... back to fashion.