Paris is MY President

Originally uploaded by lilmisstramp.
I am now the proud, very proud, owner of this shirt.

You'll get my couture...when you pry it from my cold, dead hand!


Cash Money Mittens

Originally uploaded by lilmisstramp.
Feast your eyes upon $110 mittens from our friends at Juicy Couture! Yes they are cashmere but holy crap, I have an entire cashmere sweater from Saks that didn't even cost $110.

Plus wouldn't cashmere mittens just be decoration? I mean they aren't really practical for throwing snowballs.

I think Juicy's lost it...


It is 1984. Jennifer Bealls is watching you!

Originally uploaded by lilmisstramp.
Good God, legwarmers are back!

Shopping Epiphanies

There are several items on my personal "I would never buy this to save my life, and those who do look ridiculous!" list. What I learned on a shopping trip this weekend is that this list isn't quite as set in stone as I'd thought. Items currently included on this list are tacky off-the-shoulder 80s style T-shirts that are oh so fashionable these days, straight leg "skinny" jeans, anything patent leather, anything by Tommy Hilfiger (though I confess to liking the H. Hilfiger line), hot pink shoes a la Hilary Duff, and ruffly ultra-mini skirts.

So I discovered that there are certain times when the planets align just so, forcing you to break self-imposed fashion laws such as these. So while on a mini spree last Friday night -- YES, I was SHOPPING on FRIDAY NIGHT because I am a LOSER -- though I prefer to think of it as being "dedicated" to my "craft". So anyway -- I am at Nordstrom and I decide to go the long way and walk by the shoe department on my way up to the t.b.d. section (does anyone know what that stands for?), just to scan as I go by, when I see them...on the sale rack...HOT PINK, PATENT LEATHER BCBGirls shoes with beautiful pointy toes, a vampy heel, and a badass looking buckle-thingy on the toe. They were just so pretty. There was a sales attendant right there, telling me how pretty they were so she could get her commission. I was blinded by the prettiness of these shoes, despite the fact that they embodied all of the things that I normally despise. There was no going back, I HAD to buy them.

So I wore them out on the town Saturday night, and they were the biggest hit! Every single female within seeing distance oohed and aahed over them, and every guy stared in morbid fascination -- they thought the shoes were the hotness, and several admitted they were really scared of the weapon-power that the pointy shoes could be to certain male parts if provoked. Oh how I love my new pretty, pretty Hilary Duff shoes!

As a sidenote to this story, when I finally made it up to the t.b.d. department (with TWO new pairs of pink shoes in tow), I tried on several pairs of 7 jeans...the reason it has taken me so long to try these on is their price tag -- as much as I wished I could spend 150 bucks or more on jeans, I just didn't have it in me. This also changed last Friday night, so I considered it. Now, Lil swears (and I've heard others say the same thing) that 7s will make your ass look better than it ever has before in jeans. So needless to say, I was curious to see what magic a pair could do to minimize my growing-bigger-at-an-amazing-rate ass...and...they made it look WORSE! We'll just put aside the fact that these jeans are made to only fit amazonian supermodels the likes of Gisele Bundchen, what with their 40 inch inseams, since Nordstrom will take care of that for free. But the ASS, oh the ASS...sorry Lil, they just don't do it for me! So the search for the perfect jeans continues...

Bonfire of the Vanity Sizing

I need new jeans. I mean I don't need new jeans because I have like 10 pair but I really, really, really want new jeans.

I've wanted some 7's for forever but they are $158 and they are too long. Now I know I could get them altered, but for $158 I want jeans that fit properly without the added expense of alterations. Hell, I have an entire suit that cost less than $158 (bought on sale from the now banned Express).

Anyways, I went to the Dulles Town Centre Mall (which is approximately 23 miles from my house). DTCM is a great mall because it is always empty. It is like having your own personal mall. DTCM is also very close the Wegmans, which is the greatest grocery store on earth.

Now I tried on two pairs of jeans. The first pair was from Old Navy. The size 6 pair literally fell off me. I needed a 4. Now, look, I'm not a size 4. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not even really a 6.

Ok so then I went to Nordstroms and, by passing the 7s, tried on a pair of Lucky Brand jeans. I needed a 10!!!!! And honestly, I almost passed out trying to button them up so I really should have gone for the 12.

I've noticed that vanity sizing has gotten a lot worse in recent seasons. I have no clue what size I am, it seriously varies from store to store. I just want consistent sizing. Call it a 6, a 38, a 212, an L...whatever, just make it consistent across stores!


On the verge of bannination...

Along the lines of Lil's frustration with the Limited Co.'s stores, one of my all-time favorite stores ever, J Crew, is teetering precariously close to the edge of no return...EL BANNINATIONO!

This newfound loathing has been spurred by several events, in no particular order:

(1) J Crew, why oh why do you insist on having EVERYTHING be dry clean only these days? I know that fall means wools which can mean more special care items, but seriously, all I want is a NON-dry clean only sweater! For the love of God, J Crew, I am not only a student but a Congressional staffer, and those of you who don't live in DC might not know this, but your tax dollars DO NOT PAY WELL. Therefore, I cannot afford endless trips to the dry cleaner, or boxes of Dryel.

(2) What is up with the price hikes, J Crew? I was such a devoted buyer -- your petite line is the shiznit for my short-ass frame -- but honestly what are you doing? I might understand this if your quality increased as well, but I don't think that's the case. I think you are just trying to compete with Banana Republic, unsuccessfully.

(3) Why is it that everything I ever want (*cough* guava striped tie belt *cough*) is constantly on backorder? If it's so damn popular, why not MAKE MORE instead of selling out all the time?! You are royally pissing off customers.

(4) Last but not least, I think your designers are the Crazy. What else can be responsible for all of these fugly embroidered pants and skirts??? At one point this summer, I saw a boy down in the cafeteria at work sporting chinos with LOBSTERS embroidered on them. There is just no excuse to create such atrocities, let alone BUY AND WEAR THEM (I'm talkin' to you, Hill boy)!

Take heed, J Crew. We're watching you.


Yup, I've had enough.

Limited Brands (The Limited, Express, Victoria's Secret, Bath and Body Works and the always crappy White Barn Candle Company)are officially on my banned stores list. In fact, they are the only stores on my banned stores list.

I read an article in the New York Post this week about how Limited Brands have been using Return Exchange to track reurns in their stores and deny certain customers the ability to return merchandise even with a receipt.

But the greatest part ever is that they won't tell you what the limit is! So basically you're stuck with those crappy Editor pants from Express even if you're able to dig the receipt out of the bottom of your purse.

Now, I'm a lawyer (ok that is only half true) and there has to be some issues with the UCC here (warranties and conracts and other shit). I'm too lazy to look it up oh and I sold my contracts book back.

I'll make no bones about it, I am a serial returner. Many, many times I'll be at Express and there will either be a line for the dressing rooms or no one in sight to unlock them for me so I'll just say 'fuck it' and just buy the stuff and try it on at home. But now, under the new facist return policy, I would be stuck.

Express, honestly, has been flirting with a ban for a while now. Their quality has gone down while their prices have skyrocketed. I've said it to my friends before, I cannot afford $78 for a button down shirt and thats how much shit costs at Express. The return policy has just pissed me off so much that I'm done with them.

So, Express (and your other friends) welcome to bannination. The funniest thing is that I actually have a sweater to return to Express that I am going to take there tonight. When the chick behind the counter asks me for my driver's license, I'm going to say fuck you, I don't have one and why do I need to show you one anyway, you didn't ask for one when I bought this fugly sweater. I might throw in another "bitch" for good measure.

You're making a big mistake here, Express. You're treating honest customers like crap and stores that do that don't stay in business too long.


Do not feed the models.

Originally uploaded by lilmisstramp.
I posted below a picture of my boobs smashed into a $3,000 dress. As you can probably guess, I'm a well fed girl. I enjoy a good sandwich or two. Now here, I've posted a pic of a girl who has probably never had a sandwich or two in her life.

Jesus Christ, my left boob alone weighs more than her.

She looks like an 8 year old who got into her grandmother's makeup bag and caked that Max Factor "Wearable Red" crap all over lips.

Oh, and dear designers, my great aunt's sweater and a Wal-Mart bathing suit, does not couture make.

More than a handful

Originally uploaded by lilmisstramp.
Do not adjust your screen settings, my boobs really are that big.

Go Sho'-ty, it's yo' berfday!

Thanks for the intro, 50! Happy birthday to ME! I am much, much older now. Too old. I cringe when I say my new age. And while it isn't old by any means, it still feels old to me. It's the slow but inevitable death of my mid-20s, and I don't want my 20s to diiiiieeee! Anyway -- I am celebrating this non-milestone by being here at work and by going to class tonight. The only bright point in this mandatory plan is getting to see Lil and Coast for an hour and 15 minutes during our one and only class together. The downside is that I will be...at.......law school -- gah!

But the fun part about birthdays is getting presents. So my boyfriend (whom we will lovingly call Koprah/the Sports Guy) got me the digital camera of my dreams (which is why he will continue to be called (K)Oprah, because in his 26th season (take THAT, Oprah!) he is making your wildest dreams come true!), which hopefully will be put to good use on this site. And the girls, Lil and Coast, got me a bevy of awesome Bare Escentuals eyeshadows, which I cannot thank them enough for. Except that they are really the ones who should be thanking me for bringing the BE love over from the west coast! And I thank them profusely for not buying my iPod its very own hoodie, since my iPod is especially picky about her clothes. And my bestest friend from the old skool dayz in Cali got me a subscription to Real Simple, which is like seriously the 5th Real Simple gift subscription I have received...but I love that magazine to death, so it's all good. Keep on teaching me how to clean and cook, bitches!


How not to accessorize...

iPod Hoodies


You know what is worse? People get paid to think up stuff like that. I wish someone paid me to slap people who think up stuff like that.

Never mind the metro lines...the best of fashion lies west of Vienna

It is amazing but the further west on I-66 (assuming traffic is moving) you go, the more 'in style' your old highschool sweat pants (stains an' all) become - in distant places they are the height of fashion. Philly ain't got nothin' on Culpeper!

So today's dilemma is makeup. Since the material angels introduced BE into my life I have been unable to function the way I used to - now I constantly think about my next discounted purchase. Now I hear you say "that's not really much of a dilemma!" but alas an important part of the story is missing. I don't wear makeup - so what's up with the obession? All I can say is "this is just nutz!"

Welcome to my world - http://www.ebaumsworld.com/celeb.html

Well, we all know the Blue Line is the best DC has to offer in terms of beauty and fashion...those ladies from Franconia Springfield really know how to do it up right! "And my hairstylist from home (Philly) told me no good haircut has come out of this area.. I'm starting to believe her."...
How could that person say such things?! Witness...
 Posted by Hello

Federal Fashion Faux Paux

So I was reading Going Out Gurus yesterday on the Washington Postonline page and I was shocked,shocked to see this question posed to the gurus-

Blue Line watcher: Where does DC rate on the best dressed list in the country? Does it rate? Let's start off by saying that I'm not fashion queen or trend setter, I like comfort and looks, however I noticed yesterday how unflattering the women of the area dress for work. Maybe it's their jobs, but I see women who you know could be pretty, but their clothes just aren't happening. And my hairstylist from home (Philly) told me no good haircut has come out of this area.. I'm starting to believe her. Maybe it was a full moon, or a bad Metro car.. but really?

Oh my God.

First of all, this person based their fashion opinion of the entire DC metro on one car of the Blue Line. Are you kidding me? That is ridiculous.

However, even more ridiculous than that is the fact that person is trying to say that Philly is in some way fashion and style superior to DC. Um, are we talking about the same Philly here? Philadelphia, PENNSYLVANIA? Surely you can't be talking about the crumbling city 2.5 hours to the north of DC, because honey I go to Philly 2x a month, and you will never hear me say, "Oh WOW, I get to go to Philly this week, the bastion of all that is fashionable and stylish!!!!!" Nope, usually it is more like, "Dammit. I have to go to Philly again."

Now hold up, before you can say King of Prussia Mall to me, let me admit that KOP is the most awesome mall ever. I had my virgin experience with Nordstrom's there and you never forget your first time. But you know what? Your average Philly dweller does not shop at KOP. I'm intimately acquainted with an average Philly dweller and he would much rather shop at Big K than go to KOP. Yeah that's right, I said Big K. Big freaking K. The fact that Philly even has a Big K still is a testament to its suckiness. Yeah there is a Big K near DC in Annandale, but I dare you to try and find Annandale. Seriously, you'll get lost and realize you didn't really want to go to Big K in the first place.

I'd describe the overall fashion (god, if you can even call it that) of Philly in two categories.

First, you have your crack addict-chic (CAC), which is found, most notably, in the inner city. This look is characterized by pairing an old and stained t-shirt with a pair of loose fitting shorts or dirty jeans. The CAC outfit is beautifully topped off with one or two missing front teeth. A CAC follower wears no accessories as they've all been hocked to pay for crack. And, if the CAC has any hair at all, a CAC takes a devil-may-care attiude with regards to hair styling. I mean why buy a brush at CVS when you can buy more crack!

Second, you have the Pennsylvania Trash Look (PTL). PTL is a very versitile look which can be sported by both men and women. First, you have a dirty old stained t-shirt. This t-shirt usually sports a patriotic or right wing theme. T-shirts that say "I *heart* NRA/GWB/RNC" or something with a flag or a yellow ribbon are all good choices. In the unfortunate event that a patriotic t-shirt cannot be found, an old t-shirt that was a comp from an Atlantic City casino will be a good substitution. For women, rayon/nylon/polyester leggings are required atire for this outfit. Any color will do, floral prints are even better. For men, some old dirty jeans will suffice. The accessories for this outfit include a plastic pleather purse from Big K for the women, a Timex cloth band watch for the men and a soft pack of Marlboro Reds for both.

I'm going up to Pennsylvania this weekend (driving in the slow lane on 76, while being passed at approximately 150 mph by Philly drivers who are driving with their left hands only on the wheel so they can smoke their crack pipe with their right hands) so I'll get to see lots of examples of these great fashion looks that are so superior to anything you'll find here in DC.


Um, yeah...so while God was creating all that jazz...

...he was also busy creating things like credit card debt and making other things in life (rent, tuition, etc.) way too expensive for a peon like myself to be able to actually enjoy the shopping part. My lack of funds never deters me from shopping, mind you, but it does increase the guilt factor exponentially.

As Lil said, we are both bargain and brand name whores. Can the two co-exist? Such are the questions of life...but we are determined to make the two meet whenever possible. Mostly though, Lil gets to buy the designer stuff while I am relegated to coveting it all.

At the moment I am in a state of complete shopping depression. Fall is always my favorite clothes and makeup season...but at the moment my large load of credit card debt precludes me from participating in the rush to get all the new beautiful purple argyle sweaters and tweed coats and silky scarves out there. Cruel shopping gods, why do you torment me so?

And Lil, I will never forgive you for shopping at A&F. It's just not done. Unless you're LilmissBritney Spears -- then and only then can you wear the same tired, ratty, nasty, tore-up miniskirt day in and day out while traipsing in and out of public bathrooms barefoot. Oh, the shame!

In the beginning, God created the heavens, the earth and the mall.

Look, I'll be the first to admit that "Material Girls" is not the most original name for a blog. In fact some Spanish chicks had this name before my partner in shopping, Beelicious, somehow usurped the name from their control. But it was the best I could think of under the circumstances Let me tell you a little bit about circumstances, more specifically, how this whole blog thing came about.

I shop. Alot. More than alot. My favorite hobby is shopping. My favorite excercise is walking around the mall. If I'm not at work or (yuck) school, then there's a pretty good chance I am at, not necessarily the mall but someplace where they sell clothes. It's a sickness, an addiction of the worst kind.

I was kind of hoping that this blog would be therapy, kind of like a confessional of a shopaholic. The best way to get through therapy is to have someone to go through it with you.

Enter Beelicious.

Beelicious is very much like me in the area of shopping. I don't think she would mind me saying that we are bargain and brand whores. The weird thing is that Beelicious and I rarely ever shop together. I think that's a function of this binge-on-clothes-purge-my-bank-account addiction.

So yesterday, I skipped class and went to the mall and blew a whole wad of cash at Abercrombie & Fitch. I hate A&F. I was feeling quite guilty for shopping at A&F and I got a stern reprimand from Beelicious for not attending class. So I knew this shopping addiction had to stop. Shopping at Abercrombie & Fitch was the last straw.

We had talked about doing this blog before but today was the first day that we actually did something about it. The first thing we needed was a catchy name. Alright, "Material Girls" is not the catchiest name ever but it just so happens to be the ring on my new cellphone and when I got an email from Beelicious this morning about the blog, my cellphone rang. (No one exciting, just my mom)

And thus, a blog about shopping was born, no matter how uncool, unoriginal or unfunny it may be.